just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
