ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
