I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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