Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
