the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
