i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize