Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
