the condom got lost in my hair
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she told me i tasted like america
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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