never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
