Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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