I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
