I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize