She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
