Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
