she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
