i already hear my dad disowning me
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
