i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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