I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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