fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
