where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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