Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
