My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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