my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize