Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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