I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
