found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So much rum. So many feels.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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