Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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