talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
