if you like me you must not know who I am
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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