You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
