Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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