god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
