I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i drank out of a bidet.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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