I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
