apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize