Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
