I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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