I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
