Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
