Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(616): View more from Michigan

You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.

(248): View more from Michigan

no

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(863): View more from Florida

If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.

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(719): View more from Colorado

Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.

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(772): View more from Florida

No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join

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(317): View more from Indiana

Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus

(1-317): View more from Indiana

tequila?

(317): View more from Indiana

yep

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(512): View more from Texas

He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.

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(425): View more from Washington

And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space

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(303): View more from Colorado

You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.

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