I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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