Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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