you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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