If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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