Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
