i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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