I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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