your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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