My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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