Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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