3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
