He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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