it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
