It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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