this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
