when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
