life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Randomize
