I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
