woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How does one acquire holy water?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
