Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
