I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You are the jesus of drinking
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
