They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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