Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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