I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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