So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
