He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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