he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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